As you may know I love to transform my day to day experiences into bigger meaning and this one hit me over the head today while telling the story to a good friend.
A few nights ago I walked through the room as my wife was watching Sleepy Hollow. I caught just enough of the scene to see a frantic Ichabod Crane racing through a misty woods with panic in his eyes as he was being hunted by the infamous Headless Horseman. In just a few seconds, I took in that scene, put it to bed in my memory and forgot about it. That is at least until last night.
the RIDE
It was one of those days. You know the type, where you can feel the stress building up for no apparent reason and you just need to get out for a bit. Well for me this would be solved by hopping on my bike and taking a ride around the lake. As it was later than usual I added to the stress by trying to race out the door so that I would not be out riding in traffic after dark. In enters fear number one: being hit by a car. From home, it is about a half mile ride through mostly residential, though somewhat busy, streets. The weather was dreary. The sky above felt like a grey wool blanket closing out any hope of light and held in it the promise of a downpour at any moment. In comes fear number two: getting drenched in the rain.
Throwing fear number two out the window as more of an annoyance and deciding to proceed in spite of fear number one, I got out the door. After all I just had to get out. So far, the urge to get out in the fresh, damp air overrode, any fears that came to mind.
Pedaling hard down the last long stretch of road before the entrance to the park, I looked back to check for cars. No cars heading my way for as far as I could see. Pedal faster, maybe I could make it to the entrance before I would have to worry about a crazy driver passing too close where there is a very narrow shoulder. Looking back again, I saw headlights! It was just before dusk, so it was hard to tell exactly how far away they were, I had about two blocks to go before I was off the road. Fear number one was hot on my trail, my heart racing, legs up and down as fast as I could move them. One last look back to see the car was still a ways out and I am reaching the entrance: fear one conquered, or at least tucked away for now.
the PARK
Upon entering the park, a calmness came over me. An older couple walked their dog between the thinly forested entrance area while a still blanket of fog clung low to the ground. It was as if they were walking on clouds as I followed the trail into the more densely forested area that leads to the lake. This was fun now, riding quickly through the forested area as the trail turned from side to side and rose and fell with the bumps and roots in the ground. No cars behind me, the rain was not falling, all fears were out of mind. I even somehow managed to not think of my usual fear number three: broken bones.
the LAKE
By the time I reach the lake, stress has leveled off and I am enjoying the scenery, passing the other bikers, joggers and walkers and wondering what brought them out. Were they past the point of being stressed and were they enjoying their jaunt now? And so went lap one.
Lap two was a bit more of the same. Though I did start to let responsibility creep back in and wonder just how many laps I could get in before I need to head back safely in the light.
By lap three I noticed there were far less people keeping me company on this journey. The other biker was gone. The older couple with the dog disappeared. The man with his son racing each other made their way home.
the FOURTH LAP
Lap four I found fear number four: I was alone.
Alone with my fears.
Lap four, it started to rain.
Lap four, it grew darker.
Lap four, told me it was time to head home.
the RETURN
Time to head back the way I came. Back to the opening in the woods that would take me along the winding trail. Back through the thicker part of the forest to the less dense forest at the park entrance. Back to the relaxing fog that greeted me on the way in. But with me I would have a companion on the return trip. I would carry fear four for as long as I could until a bigger fear joined in.
Have you been alone in the woods in the dark? Have you looked through a clearing covered by fog? What could be hiding in the fog? What could be waiting in the fog? Who could hear me coming, that I could not see?
At this point it was a race to see if my legs could pedal faster than my heart could beat. Winding through the wooded trail, approaching the clearing, a little darker now and much more alone. This is where it happened. One memory came back and in came the worst fear of all. The memory, as I rounded a dark corner to see the foggy clearing ahead of me: the Headless Horseman! And in enters fear number five: the ridiculous!
What is the ridiculous? This is that fear that makes no rational sense when you really think about it. This is the fear that others laugh at when you tell them because from their point of view, without the emotion, you are perfectly safe. The ridiculous is what we create inside us and allows us to stop ourselves from being the very best that we can be.
I have never pedaled so fast or hard for no real reason in my life, but, spoiler alert, I survived.
Through the woods, through the clearing and onto the road, where I was once again faced with fear one tailing me as I raced to the end of the straightaway. But I made it: I survived.
the REALIZATION
In this case, I did not have an option but to get home. I had to keep pedaling or I would just be stuck in the one place I did not want to be. The fear of being stuck alone, in the dark, away from home, with the ridiculous was my one motivation to keep going.
How often does this happen in our professional or personal lives? How often do we worry about what could trip us up, or what could happen, only to stay put? What if we were just as afraid of staying put or getting stuck as we were of the ridiculous fears we create for ourselves?
Speaking for myself, I just recently, held back on making a change due to my worst fear: the ridiculous. Until finally I realized I was reacting to made up scenarios in my mind. I was holding myself back out of a fear I had created. You see, while many fears are real, most of the time we react to the imagined fears we create in our own minds. This becomes the challenge in life: to not let the imagined fears take over and hold us back.
Thank you for continuing on this scary journey with me. As always, please do not be afraid to like, and share as these are very appreciated. Please comment below and answer this question: Are more of your fears real or imagined?
Andy Vargo is a motivational speaker, life coach and comedian who challenges you to ‘Own Your Awkward’. He is the author of the Awkward Journal series, host of the podcast, Own Your Awkward, and shares thoughts and ideas in his blog and video series available at awkwardcareer.com.
Originally published on LinkedIn