This graduation season is very personal for me. My oldest is wrapping up his schooling and is preparing to go out into the world and chart a course that only he can map for himself.
Over the last few months I have been running through the mental fatherly checklist of life lessons: changing the tire; responsible finances; emergency numbers; taking the road less traveled; and on and on. Like so many others who are composing essays of advice, I too have been thinking of those last lessons I hope to impress upon him at this time in his life.
However this week my mind keeps drifting in a different direction. It has been naive for me to think that any words I could muster would hold any weight as compared to a lifetime of actions and impressions I hope to have already left. My only hope as I reflect back is that he has seen the example I have worked to be and that I have taught him half as much over the last eighteen years as he has taught me. So today I would like to share just a few of the lessons I have learned from my graduate.
you are COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE
Being the youngest of seven and the only uncle in my kindergarten class, I was no stranger to young children by the time it was my turn to take on the role of daddy. However, after the excitement of the first night of fatherhood was over and we were home sorting through the duties of nurturing our first little baby, it hit me like a ton of bricks: my shift does not ever end! This was not a one night babysitting gig where if the kid does not eat enough of the right foods, someone else will come along to make sure things will balance out the next day. We were completely responsible for the well being of a human baby. And this human being could not speak or tell us what he needed. This was the most scared I remember ever being in my life. Completely responsible. Though there was plenty of advice at hand, advice only gets you so far. And typically the more you get the more confused you become.
So this became the first lesson my graduate taught me. We all have struggles and fears but no matter what is thrown at us, we are completely responsible for how we handle it and what we do. Many times this responsibility is bigger than ourselves as is the case with parents where you are now completely responsible not only for your life but for those in your care.
some people NEED PROTECTION
Imagine the sound of your eight year old letting out a scream at the end of Christmas night as you are cleaning up at Grandma’s to head home. Racing downstairs to fear the worst, we found he had stepped on a piece of metal which was impaled in his toe. This resulted in a midnight trip to the ER where he got to wrap up his Christmas having it removed.
Sitting in the emergency room with his new matchbox car that the staff gave him as a special gift for being there that night, he looked at his mother and I and said he was just glad one of his younger cousins had not stepped on it. This brought tears to my eyes thinking how bad I felt that this was his Christmas night, yet here he was thinking of others.
The second lesson he has shown me repeatedly over the years. Many times in our lives others need help and protection more than we do ourselves. Seeing the stress in his face and the rage in his voice when someone who needs help, or is less able, taken advantage of or harmed, shows that he is passionate about justice and fairness to his core.
always DO WHAT IS RIGHT
Moving ahead a bit to his fourth grade year my wife was called into the principals office after school one day. “We need to talk” he said motioning for her to head his way. The next words were a surprise, “Your kid is a stud! I need to tell you what he did today” Apparently on this particular day the class had a substitute who was not handling the class well. The students were being a bit unruly and the sub was not maintaining control. This is where the stud-factor kicked in. Our ten year old, excused himself asking to go the restroom. However he never intended to go to the restroom. Instead he walked directly to the principals office saying “You are going to need to get down there, the class is out of control and nobody is getting anything done!” Back to class he went and waited a few minutes to see the relief support enter in the form of the principal.
Lesson three came from a child who had no doubt about what the right thing to do was. There has never seemed to be a question in my graduate’s mind about whether a situation is right or not. He determines the best course to right the situation and does not hesitate to take action regardless of what others may think is the cool thing to do.
never stop HAVING FUN
I never see a bigger smile on my son’s face than when he is helping others to have a great time by helping them to join in the fun. Whether he is teaching a younger cousin or friend a new game or encouraging another adult to join in as well, he loves it. A genuine smile can not be faked and to see him beaming with the excitement of someone else getting to have a great time speaks volumes to his true character.
Lesson four from my graduate came through seeing him do what he truly loves and seeing him take that joy to the world by making sure anyone he encounters gives it a try and is able to have fun playing at this game we call life.
my turn for FATHERLY ADVICE
So to conclude with a word of advice as I am obligated to do as a father. For the first of my children to embark on this journey and for the rest of the graduates of the world this spring will be this: may you continue to be the great teacher you are to all of us and that you continue to remember the lessons you have taught those around you along the rest of your journey wherever it may lead you. In short, keep being you and never forget to stay true to the lessons you have brought to the world.
Thank you for continuing on this journey with me. Especially thanks to my oldest and the other graduates this spring who have taught us so much about ourselves and what is important in life. Please be sure to share your graduate lessons in the comments section below. As always thank you for ‘liking’ and ‘sharing’ with your friends.
Andy Vargo is a motivational speaker, life coach and comedian who challenges you to ‘Own Your Awkward’. He is the author of the Awkward Journal series, host of the podcast, Own Your Awkward, and shares thoughts and ideas in his blog and video series available at awkwardcareer.com.
Originally published on LinkedIn