There is no getting better.  At least that is what I was telling myself as I pulled the covers back over my head to ignore the day that was starting without me.  Today was another one of those days.  You know the type?  It’s the kind of day where you wake up staring at the wall next to you and use every bit of energy to roll over to face the other direction, and then say “Well, that was enough for one day” as you close your eyes trying to fall back to sleep.

It was the lowest point of my life.  Or so I hoped.  Every day I woke up and would ask myself, “What is going to happen next?” Sometimes just for variety, I would change the question to “When is the other shoe going to drop?” Life was happening to me, and I was waiting to see what it would dish up next.

Nowhere in my psyche had it occurred to me that I had any control over my circumstances or attitude.

Nowhere in my busy day was there room for the daunting task of taking control of my own life.

rock BOTTOM

When you are at rock bottom, the most basic things become impossible.  Well-meaning friends offer to help if you need anything, but asking for someone to help pull you up is an impossible task, when you cannot even muster the energy to raise your hand to reach for the rope they are dangling down for your support. These are the days where you see little worth in going on to the next.  Basic steps seem to require a Sherpa and repelling gear before I dare inch my foot forward.  These are the days where I have to tell myself “right foot forward” and continue with any sort of forward momentum.  One day in particular, I remember asking myself desperately “When would I hit rock bottom?”

I remember this moment with such clarity like I lived it just yesterday. I think this is in part because I replay that moment so many times in my head when I fear that I could be heading back that direction.  The sun was beaming through the window teasing my heart to experience the life that was happening right outside.  Though this was a winter day, and the cold air biting at my soul kept my heart reaching for the safety in the warmth under the covers. “What is going to happen today?” I asked myself as I pulled the covers over my head to the warmth and safety of the darkness below.

There I lay, warm, dark and despairing.

Until it happened.

enter LIGHT

Light seemed to come through the covers, passing the physical awareness of my eyes and piercing directly in to the existence of my soul. I could not see the light, but I felt it. Light came in the form of words.  The light brought a new question that I had not asked myself before.

“When would I decide that this would be the end of my freefall?”

I had an awakening moment. I could decide where rock bottom was.  Would I stay in freefall, or could I use every bit of strength I had to raise my hand to pull myself up? This was the day. I decided that rock bottom was the day before and every day from here on would be a journey upward.  I asked myself one question.

“Your life is not how you want it. So what are you doing to change it?”

Yesterday, that answer was “Nothing.”

Today I have a new answer.  Today I was going to do something.  Today I had a new answer, “Something!”

cause and EFFECT

I am a firm believer in cause and effect.  If I was not doing anything to change my current situation today, how could I expect anything to be any different when I wake up tomorrow?  “What are you going to do about it?” became the new question I would wake up to everyday.

In the past I had tried keeping a journal of what I was grateful for and somedays this was the simplest things such as a sunset or even a snickers bar, where as other days it was much more meaningful like the people in my life and the times we share.  While this would help me focus on the positive in my life, I struggled to create a pattern of cause and effect from this journaling.  I decided I would journal once more. I even bought a leather bound journal to write in.  Secretly I have always wanted a leather bound journal to write in but questioned what thoughts would be worthy of this book.  Finally I had a purpose worthy of my sought after journal: me.  More specifically, my mental well-being.

my JOURNAL

Dropping everything to run to Barnes and Noble, I found my journal.  Stopping at a park on the way home, I opened it up to the first page and wrote.

“So life is not what you want, what are you going to do to change it?”

Then turning to page two I asked myself two questions.

“What did you do today to make life the way you want it?’

And

“What are you going to do tomorrow to create the life you want?”

Thinking back to Grandpa’s three steps to miraculous results, I decided to hold myself to writing down three things for each question.

This was hard.  At first it was as simple and basic as, I had a very productive day at work.  Others it was simple things like, talked to my sister on the phone for twenty minutes or had dinner with the kids.  I came to find that many aspects of my life already were the way I wanted them and I just needed to appreciate them.  I also got more creative in the things I would plan for the next day.  Take a random walk through the city.  Write for an hour in the park.  Call a friend I have not talked to in years.  Have coffee with a stranger.  Bar hop.  Anything that was fun, experiencing life and challenging me to not miss a minute.

Every day I would end my night with the same two questions.

“What did you do today to make life the way you want it?’

And

“What are you going to do tomorrow to create the life you want?”

And every night I would rack my brain looking back through the day to decide what I actually did to improve my life, as well as what could I realistically do the next day to make it even better.

wake-up RIGHT

By writing it out the night before, I found myself waking up with the right mindset first thing in the morning.  It was as if I set a switch to reset my brain while I slept, so that I would wake up knowing the day would be a good and productive day. Many days the things that I found myself writing down as the “what I did today” items were nothing like what I had planned, but they were valuable all the same.

Soon my days were jam packed.  Friends would want to get together and I had activities planned three weeks out.  I always welcomed anyone to join but not all groups click the same so you know how that goes.  I remember one night I started Friday with a lame date at 6, then hit the casino with friends at 7:30 until 10, then still had time to head down town and bar hop with another group of friends for a couple hours.  The next morning I would get up and walk along the water on a rare March sunny day in Washington before going to hang with my kids for the rest of the day. Even work trips that would at times have wasted down time, were now a new opportunity to experience a different city, different people, and different culture.

pulling UP

Life was becoming the life I wanted it to be.  There became days where I did not even write in my journal, life was just happening naturally.  There were other days where so much happened, I had a hard time narrowing it down to three things. It was great.  All because I had the will to keep taking one step forward, one day at a time.

Now, I do not consider myself cured.  I still have days that are hard and days that are great.  Like I said, I remember rock bottom so clearly because I know how easy it is to revisit that place.  But now I have a tool to keep it at bay by thinking about what my three steps are going to be. Thanks Grandpa for the inspiration!

Thank you for taking these few steps with me on our own personal journeys. What three things can you do today to make your life the way you want it to be? I look forward to any comments that you are willing to share about your own journey and very much appreciate any likes and shares that you are willing to give throughout your social media networks.

Andy Vargo is a motivational speaker, life coach and comedian who challenges you to ‘Own Your Awkward’. He is the author of the Awkward Journal series, host of the podcast, Own Your Awkward, and shares thoughts and ideas in his blog and video series available at awkwardcareer.com.

Originally posted on LinkedIn, August 23 2017.