No one is all that! Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. And everyone’s shtuff stinks. However, when we find great love in our lives we don’t tend to see them this way. We tend to only see the greatest parts of what they bring to the world. Even if we step into the bathroom after them, we blow it off and pretend our nostrils aren’t tightening up. 

    This is, at least, up to a point. Eventually, we long for fresh air, we wonder why they can’t turn the fan on or use the spray freshener after their bathroom events. We start to notice every fault they have.

    Yet we still love them.

    We see them on their worst days. The moments they are not proud of happen right before our eyes. We are along for the ride on every one of their half-baked ideas. Even in the moments when they aren’t the person we know they can be, we stay with them. We see the mean, the sad, the pathetic, and even the downright ugly in them.

    Yet we still love them.

    But it gets harder. The longer we know a person, the more we get to know them. More of their faults come to light. Essentially they are harder to love. Or are they?

Losing Sight

    For while time passes, as we are discovering every shortcoming, we are also seeing every bit of good they bring to the world. We get to see the magic behind every dream as it unfolds step by step right before our eyes. We are blessed with the chance to witness the passion they contribute to the world in a way only they can. We feel their embrace when we celebrate victories together.

    We lose sight of the negative.

    Are we simply turning a blind eye to bad people? Not in a healthy relationship. Simply put, the more you know a person, the more you see both sides. The magic comes in when you get to a point where the good completely outweighs the bad. You see more to love than more to hate.

    We see this with those we love in our lives. A parent who watches their child make bad choices, or huge mistakes doesn’t stop loving them. We don’t give up on our friends when they go through rough patches, struggling with life on every level. We stick with them because we love them even though they are not always showing us their best selves. We pick them up when they are down, hold their hand when they are afraid to go forward alone, and sit with them when they need a break to gather strength.

    With all of this love we have to share, even looking past the hard times and downright annoying traits, how is it that there is one person we refuse to do this for? It’s usually the person who needs our love the most who we turn our backs on. Harsh, isn’t it?

Awkward Love Affair

    If it proves to be harder to love someone the more we know them, then the person we are closest to gives us the most run for our money. This is where the idea of an awkward love affair comes into play. Awkward because you have to be willing to be madly in love, even when you see them at their worst. Awkward because every annoyance is a test of your ability to love. Awkward because love is not easy when it is needed the most. Awkward because this person is you.

    That’s right, you need to fall madly in love with yourself.

    Ever notice how others find good in you that you have a hard time seeing? Someone might compliment your looks, your smile, or your personality. All the while, you are staring critically into the mirror seeing nothing but flaws. Were you to be in love with yourself enough it would outweigh any potential shortcoming.

    It’s hard to love ourselves the way we love others. First of all, we never get a break from ourselves. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If that is true we are already climbing an uphill battle. We need a break from our favorite people at times. Yet we never have this luxury with ourselves.

    We know everything there is to know about ourselves. Not just the slice of life presented to one group of our friends or another. We even know the deepest darkest thoughts which have crossed our minds on the bad days. We know the things we have done, and those that we have not done, but seriously considered. The more we know, the harder it is to love. Yet we need to love ourselves in order to bring our best to the world

    We do not give ourselves the grace to be kind in our shortcomings. We see only what we have failed at and what we should be better at. It is only by love that we can overpower the negative. We must do this for ourselves. We need to see just how much there is to love in what we bring to the world. Only then can we awaken a love affair with ourselves. Whether you are single or in a relationship, your life will be better when you start this love affair. Your dream must come alive in your heart before it can ever see life in reality.

       So how do we start this awkward romance? How do we find love where we don’t see it? This can prove to be a difficult task. But breaking it down to three simple words can take you one step at a time towards having an awkward love affair with yourself. These words: acceptance, forgiveness, belief.

Acceptance

    Self-love starts with acceptance. You must accept the amazingly awkward quirks that make up the unique magic of you. Every piece of you is a critical component of your recipe. Consider the ingredients of the most amazing chocolate chip cookie. All of the ingredients have to work together to create something truly delicious. Were you to eat a spoonful of flour, it wouldn’t taste so great. Imagine how a mouth full of raw egg or vanilla extract would taste. Even the best part, the chocolate chips, is made even better by the addition of the other ingredients.

    Accepting yourself is about understanding the flaws that exist. Knowing everyone has them. And believing yours are there to help you be a better person. Self-acceptance also means giving yourself credit for the talents you have. Your skills are unique to you. Even when two people have similar abilities, they will present them with their own individual style. Giving yourself credit where it is due, without over-valuing flaws, is the magic recipe to accepting yourself.

Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is a heavy word. It conjures thoughts of dark sins that deserve penance. Yet most often we are not forgiving ourselves for even the smallest choices we have made. To put it another way, forgiveness is your ability to let it go.  What might you be holding onto and not letting go of? It’s the things we hold over our own heads that hold us back. Letting them go will bring freedom.

    You must be able to let go of the choices you have made along the way. These have simply been part of your journey. Without your past choices, you would not be the person you are today. These were critical to your learning how to become the best you. Letting go of any guilt you have for the past gives you forgiveness. This will allow you to have an open space for love. Forgiveness unlocks the door to the prison you hold yourself in. Finally making it possible for love to enter.

Belief

    When we truly love someone, we believe in them. We believe in their dreams. We see the good they bring to the world and see the potential for even more. In order for you to love yourself fully, you must have this same belief in yourself.

    It may be hard to create this belief artificially. However, I find that when we have a hard time believing in ourselves, we can at least believe in our hopes and dreams. Think of the person you are working to be. Then believe you can be that person. Believe you will make choices to lead you down a path to living the life you love.

Taking Action

    Sure, boiling self-love down to three words may be oversimplifying something which takes years to master. However, complex problems are not solved without breaking them down to simple steps. As a child, I struggled with math for this very reason. I could never get past the long numbers ahead of me in order to see each step of the equation which needed attention to find the final answer. I have learned some tricks along the way. Now I find that looking for the simple in the complex yields great results.

    To that end, I believe three simple things a day make all the difference. So, if you struggle with pulling this all together to fall in love with yourself, try this exercise.

    Every day, write down each of the three sentences below, filling in the blank:

• Today I will accept _______ about myself.
• Today I will forgive _______ for myself.
• Today I will believe in _______ about me.

    Some ideas haunt us longer. Forgiving one part of our past, or accepting a flaw we see won’t happen in a day. You may have something you need to write down several days in a row, or even longer. This is perfectly alright. Keep it on your list until you feel you are ready to move on. Or bounce back and forth between thoughts different day based on whatever is on your mind at the time. If you have a hard time getting over that bad haircut you gave yourself in middle school and need to spend a month letting it go, then do it. Acceptance, forgiveness, and belief are not ideas that come together overnight.

    I will leave you with this. Who do you know better than anyone? Who do you have the longest history of emotions with? Who can you see all that negativity and still be madly in love with? Make that answer be you! We give others the slack we will not give ourselves. We see every flaw in our own stories yet we leave out the part where we are so madly in love with ourselves that we overlook them. This Valentine’s start having the most amazing love affair ever and let that be with you.