“Well that was okay for a first try” I said to myself as I struggled to see the steps off the stage in the dark cavern of the club where my eyes were still recovering from the blinding heat of the spot lights. I stumbled back to my seat and hunkered down next to the select few friends I had invited to watch my debut on stage.  Looking back I would not have invited any one to watch this stammering unfold before their eyes.

But I knew this could not be the end.  I had to try again.  Following the protocol for flight crews who go down in an emergency landing where they are put on the next flight out so that they do not have time to revel in the shock of what just happened, I immediately signed up to do it again.  I would spend the next two months re-writing my lines, practicing on stage and finessing my presence. Once I got a foothold on my confidence I even signed up to take a class at Tacoma Comedy Club presented by the very funny Cory Michaelis and Andrew Rivers.  What I learned goes well beyond how to be funny on stage, I learned lessons that carry through every aspect of life and business.

be true to YOUR STORY

My first time on stage my jokes were very safe.  Joking about divorce, parenting and the basic suburban career life of a forty year old male.  There is definitely some humor there, but it was not unique to my story.  My lines felt canned, rehearsed and unnatural. Any guy could grab my script and stand in telling my jokes with little impact to the end result.  I was not telling my story.  Not the heart of my story.

The weeks after my first experience I realized that I was not bringing anything special to the stage.  My jokes were okay at best and sure they got a few laughs, but the overall presence offered no point of differentiation that left the audience knowing you “that guy who…”

This is where things got real personal for me.  I started joking about my darkest moments, making fun of my biggest failures and fears.  It was easy and natural and people laughed.  I was no longer stressed about remembering a canned word for word script, I was simply telling my story and it was making all the difference.

retell BAD JOKES 

Though I was telling my story and things were starting to click I still had those moments where a joke I poured my soul into landed in the dark cavern of silence without reaction before me.  This can hurt. Leaving you feeling like that girl that didn’t get a call back after a first date. “Was it me? Was it something I said?” Then you turn to blame… “What was wrong with that audience? How did they not get my joke?” Whatever the reason, it just did not happen that night.

But then a week later the exact same joke may get a laugh. Or maybe it won’t. Either way, I learned to not give up too soon.  Try it out a few times with a few different audiences before moving on.  Every night you have a crowd filled with more environmental and human elements than could be imaginable. Any one factor could change the reception of your joke and if you walk away too soon you may never know that you had a winner hidden away.  Maybe the only reason there was not laughter was that someone coughed at just the wrong moment, just out of your earshot, but enough to pull the attention of the audience away from you. Whatever the reason, do not give up too soon.  Try and try again until you know that it really is just a bad joke.

How many times have you presented an idea to a boss or teammate to little to no excitement for something you thought was a sure winner? What did you do then?  Did you walk away from your idea? Did you leave your product in the trash bin and go on with life to try to think of a better idea later? Or did you take it to a new audience?  Perhaps the same idea simply needs to be heard by a different set of ears.  Perhaps your idea has a supportive audience right around the corner and you just need to seek them out.

rewrite BAD JOKES

Eventually you may find that it is the joke and not some crowd factor that is the problem.  But before you give up completely, sometimes just changing it a little bit can result in huge laughter.  Just as in life and business, many of the best ideas are improvements on abandoned or failed ideas from the past. Making slight adjustments to the things that are not producing results can take them over the top to later become some of our best producers.

That idea that you left in the trash bin, may get pulled out by someone following behind you and with a couple changes in thought they have the next best-selling product.  There you are left with a feeling of loss or anger knowing that the idea was yours from the beginning.  How did they get it sold when you could not? Rewrite the bad joke and make it funny before you give up completely!

when YOU BOMB

It is not a question of if, but a matter of when.  There will be a time for all of us, when we bomb.  We may not understand or accept why it happens, but it will happen inevitably.  How we bounce back and what we do to react is entirely in our court. In fact it is said that until you bomb, you really are not a true comedian. Think of how many successful people you look up to in life who write or talk about getting fired, losing a business or having some huge failure in their lives.  It has been through these failures that they have learned to succeed without fear of failing.

In comedy this is more present than anywhere.  Night after night you judge your success on the laughter of the audience.  Your self-worth is tied to others’ reactions to what you are saying on stage.  And when you get no feedback from the crowd your instinct may be to crawl up in a ball and not leave your house for weeks. But this reaction would only make it harder to ever get back on stage again.  When we have any failure in life, just as the crew from the plane going down, we need to bounce back fast.  The sooner we bounce back, the easier and better it will be.

Know that you will bomb.  Once you accept that it will happen at some point in life, you will be able to view this as part of your growing success, rather than an end to the success you have been building on.  How great would it be if after being fired or losing a business you could think, “Yes! I am so much closer to the bigger successes coming my way!”

those nerves THOUGH!

Walking up to the stage the first night, my breathing got tight, I was short on breath and forgetting the order of my set before I even made it to the center stage. I tried to understand what was happening, after all I have spoken in front of much larger audience frequently.  I had no fear of public speaking, but this felt different. Walking into the lights on center stage, I lost confidence by this sudden onset of nerves and fear of failure. The first thing that I looked up to see was a blinding light and from that moment forward I just tried to pull together what I could to get through a very long three minutes in front of what I felt had to be the biggest critics of comedy the world could put in front of me: my audience.

The surprise onset of nerves really got me thinking over the next few weeks as I prepared myself to bounce back from my first try.  I finally abandoned the thought of finding the reason why so that I could eliminate the possibility of them ever coming back again.  Instead I accepted that they could surprise me with a drop-in visit at any time without warning.  Like in-laws knocking on the front door when your car is parked in the driveway, I would have to learn to answer the door and work through the awkwardness that was thrust upon me when it was least convenient for me.

Just as I began to accept that bombing will be a part of my future and integral to my success, I began to accept that nerves will be as well.  Learning to deal with them became my new focus.  Now before my performances I focus on breathing and on not overthinking the set, the event, or audience before me.  My getting ready focus changed from worry about what to remember to slowing down to bring peace to my mind and slowing my breathing so that when my feet first meet the stage, my mind is at peace, my body shows confidence and my words flow without hesitation. Nerves will happen, plan on them and practice whatever works for you to not let them keep you from your success.

just WALK AWAY

It was right before our graduation show from comedy class when someone asked for advice on how to control our nerves. After adding a few ideas of advice, Andrew added that we do not have to go on.  As he said, we do not have to go on stage and who would ever know the difference? Think about that in life.  How many dreams can you just simply choose not to pursue, not to take the risk without anyone ever knowing the difference? But he also added that you will know.  And that is what makes all the difference.

You will know what you have not pursued.  You will know what half-forgotten dreams you have not dared to realize.  But you always have the option to sit back and keep your life as it is, safe and easy. How many things have you simply chosen not to do?  How many times has nerves held you back? It’s your choice. You do not have to go on, but if you do not, no one will ever have the chance to hear your story

people are LAUGHING

Record every set! This is one of the first lessons in class.  Always record what you do so that you can later listen to yourself and look for improvements. As I started listening to my sets I was surprised to find that some nights I could walk off the stage with less than overwhelming thoughts about how my story was received by the audience.

This changed however on the ride home as I played back my audio recording.  Bursts of laughter and slight giggles were audible in places that I had not noticed on stage. People were laughing.  This gave me hope to keep to the story I was telling.  It is working even when you do not notice the reception from your audience.

Just as in life, many times our focus on success gets in the way of seeing others’ perception of the value we bring.  Have you ever experienced frustration in your career or with your life goals only to be surprised to hear a friend comment on the level of success they see you reaching.  Do not make the mistake of giving up too soon because you do not hear the laughter of others.  Hopefully if your career is anything other than a comedian, it is metaphorical laughter, but if you are a comedian, stop and listen for the laughter.

Thank you for laughing your way through this journey with me.  Thank you also to Cory Michaelis, Andrew Rivers and the local Northwest Comedians for the lessons. I look forward to any comments that you are willing to share about your own journey and very much appreciate any likes and shares that you are willing to give throughout your social media networks.  Be sure to subscribe with your email address to get alerts for all new articles I post.

Andy Vargo is a motivational speaker, life coach and comedian who challenges you to ‘Own Your Awkward’. He is the author of the Awkward Journal series, host of the podcast, Own Your Awkward, and shares thoughts and ideas in his blog and video series available at awkwardcareer.com.

image courtesy of Daniel Allen Photographer

video courtesy of Sean Galvin Video Producer